Celebrating the Holidays in a Family of Addicts

This piece will help you gain a better understanding of addiction and offer some tips to you make the best out of the holidays!

Is Addiction a Family Disease?

It affects everyone whether you have a family member with an addiction or you’re from a family of addicts. Alcohol and drug addiction are often called “a family disease” because of their impact on all the people around the addicted person. 

Active addiction can impact you emotionally, financially, psychologically, and environmentally when it’s happening within your family. Family addiction support and counseling for families of drug addicts is available, though, and can help you as you explore these far-reaching effects on your life.

Understanding Addiction

When you come from a family of addicts, it’s easy to take their actions personally. You might feel like your family member or members don’t love you, or you could feel like no matter what you do, they’re unwilling to change.

The reality is that addiction is a chronic disease. It’s complex, and while it’s treatable, it isn’t easy to manage for many people. 

• When someone is addicted to drugs or alcohol, it affects the brain system involved in reward and motivation.
• The body craves a substance, and there is a lack of concern over the consequences of that substance because of the compulsiveness of the brain.
• People with the disease of addiction lack self-control, and they may dismiss how their behavior is causing problems and affecting the people around them, including their families.
• People with addiction may experience cycles of relapse and remission, whether they return to use, according to the Mental Health Services Administration.
• When a person uses an addictive substance, it creates a high that’s both physical and psychological.
• The brain’s frontal lobes play a role in whether someone becomes addicted after trying an addictive substance or not. The frontal lobe is a part of our brain that lets us delay gratification or feelings of reward. When someone has an addiction, there is a malfunction in their frontal lobe, triggering immediate gratification.

Other areas may also play a role in someone’s addiction, and chemical imbalances and co-occurring mental disorders are often involved in a substance use disorder.

How Addiction Affects the Family

Addiction affects families in so many ways.

• Young children see their caretaker suffering from addiction, and they can, in turn, be more likely to develop a substance use disorder when they get older.
• Children in homes with addiction are three times more likely to be neglected or abused.
• Kids in addicted homes can experience learning and development delays and mental and emotional disorders.
• Some children develop a sense of guilt or self-blame if they have a parent with a substance abuse issue. They might develop dysfunctional attachments when they’re older or experience persistent feelings that they aren’t good enough.

Sometimes we’ll hear about roles in a family of addicts. Often, we see a pattern where every family member will develop their own way of handling the addiction in the family. 

Some families have members who take on multiple roles, while others have a person in each role. Some families might not have some of the roles, but none of them are considered healthy ways to deal with addiction in the family. These family roles include:

• The addict: This is the person with the addiction disorder, and they are the family’s focal point. They are a source of conflict in the home, both directly and indirectly. Family dynamics center around this person, whether they realize it or not.
• The caretaker: This family member will make excuses for the addicted person and the problems they cause. They’ll take on a lot of responsibilities in the household to try and keep the peace and make sure everyone’s happy. The caretaker will often enable the addict to keep the cycle going.
• The hero: This person is similar to a caretaker but doesn’t enable the addicted person. They’ll try and do everything they can to make their family seem normal. They want to keep up appearances outside of the home, and they’re often perfectionists and very responsible. Sometimes they’re the family’s “golden child.”
• The scapegoat: The problem child; this person may be defiant and have hostility towards other members of their family. They may try to take attention away from the addict and put it on themselves through harmful behaviors.
• The mascot: In this role, a person will be a comedian and try to deal with stress and chaos through humor.
• The lost child: As the quiet person in the family, the person filling this role will want to avoid any other conflict or challenges. They watch from the background.